Sunday, July 17, 2011

light at the end of the tunnel!

Soooo I'm currently in a hotel, paid by the US Gov't. Had a dinner, paid by the US Gov't. And gonna have breakfast tomorrow morning, also paid by the US Gov't. If this is how life is going to be from joining the Army, I really will have no complaints at all. I can see many prospects and opportunities from joining the army and I can't wait to see what happens next. All I have to do is pass a hearing test! I just hope I pass. If that happens, and a special someone joins with me, I don't see why we can't be side by side forever. I've never felt so strongly for someone. I've never ever ever thought about about someone day in and day out and I don't mind it one bit! I just hope I don't screw stuff up. I've already been close to ruining things a few times and it really sucks, but I really am trying my hardest to be the best man this girl has ever met! I just hope I can be. I've never met anyone like this one :). And if we can go through this army thing together, even if we don't for whatever reason, I know ill always be by her side!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

My Life

All I've been thinking about lately is my future. I've realized I can't be happy with someone if I'm not happy with where I'm at in my life. Money wise, stability wise and maturity level wise. I know the ones around me can only help so much to get me to where I need to be. Only I can change my life. I'm going to start applying everywhere I can to get a second job or a full time job. If I can just get out of my slump with bills Id be happy as hell. Time to stay focused for good and grow up!

Friday, July 1, 2011

i wish..

I wish I knew why you don't want to be together.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Blue Collar

Today at work I had to basically be manager for the morning. If you've ever been to IKEA and in the Self-Serve Warehouse, you know its not an easy task to manage. Especially when the two guys you work with are: inexperienced and the other, bored from so much experience. I do like to step it up from time to time but I dont think I enjoy being a manager. I don't want retail to become my life. I want to take this beautiful and crazy lady with me around the world and see things and experience stuff that average people don't experience. I know ill be laughing the whole time because Jess always has me crackin up. Ive never met someone like her and shes seriously perfect for me. I know im perfect for her, even tho stress gets the best of us, we make the best from each other, and who wouldnt wanna take that around the world with them?! All i know is, working a dead end job isnt going to cut it. time for both of us to step up our determination and leave illinois and not look back at all the horrible things that have helped us become better people.

Friday, June 24, 2011

anger management

i got problems. lol. no easy way to put it. especially after my last post and reading how angry it sounds. i say a lot of stuff when im pissed off that i dont really mean. truth be told, i wanna be there for this girl. even though we have our issues and tribulations, its what every two people go through and you come closer together when all is said and done. and even tho i get angry, im NEVER angry at her. ever. im angry at the situation or circumstances that have pulled us away from smiling, laughing and being stupid together, but im never mad at her in particular. after last night, i realized id do anything for her. i walked/ran almost 6 miles just so she didnt have to see me while she was mad. i wouldnt do that for anyone else. anyone else i wouldve boasted in the hatred and made them feel uncomfortable. all i want for her is to be happy and if not seeing my face is the outcome for that happiness, ill take it. i know everyone says you should look out for yourself and worry about you and blah blah blah. but in reality, the world would be a better place if we all cared a little bit more. my whole blog for this last month has been about you. and how much i care for you. and at times i know it may feel like i dont care, or just wanna yell, but really i just wanna be next to you and im mad i cant be. "start worrying when im not angry" you mean more to me than you understand.

and as for the anger-lashing-outness i display, its from immaturity. ill grow and learn to not yell and freak out.

last night i didnt even care i was walking/running. i just wanted to get home to you and see you again. and theres so much more to say... but not here.

Monday, June 20, 2011


relationships are pointless. all they do is lead to heartbreak and issues that stem from what youve been through when youre with a person whos selfish and self indulgent. im done trying to be someone im not for someone i want to be with. back to being selfish and trying to figure this thing called life on my own. if someone else wants to step up and give me a go, theyre gonna have to work pretty hard for it cuz im not budging an inch unless they can prove to me that they really want me.

Thursday, June 16, 2011


This one is gonna be short because I just wanna say it but I don't want to on fb or twitter.

I want her back. I want to kiss the one I sleep next to. I want to us to be happy together.
I want her back..